I can say with sufficient confidence that I have experienced most of the emotions a human can possibly feel, all of the good ones, all of the bad ones.
Regret is the worst one of them all. Loss too. Because it doesn’t leave you and like a virus, like a demon, you must with all your being exorcize it out of your system. Until then you cannot be okay. I miss my grandma.
I look out into this world before me and yesterday it changed in a way that cannot ever be changed back because now I have to live in a world without her. Take that. Multiply it by the thousands of people who die every day for whatever reason. Multiply that by the individuals whose lives change because of that. And the individuals they interact with, and it turns into this twisted domino game that humanity will never win. Regret gets you nowhere, and it makes you sink deeper into a hole you didn’t know that you dug yourself. The world changes every second, when a person that touched someone’s life leaves it. My grandmother was an anchor to my childhood. And I miss her badly.
Not talking to a lot of people and staying off of social media helped a little. And I got to focus on my life and family. It makes me think a lot deeper into thoughts like these. Everything that I look at- the buildings by the freeway, bright city lights, the cars that zoom by, the actions that I do, all of them feel just that much different. Different enough to make you grieve for the loved ones you’ve lost to the fire.
Just a thought
I miss you Ba Noi